Does
the toilet paper go over or under the roll?
Over.
But no big deal.
Cats?
Dogs? Both?
Neither,
for now. Like cats better.
Can
you eat breakfast for dinner?
Absolutely.
Especially omelets.
Cold
pizza: yes or no?
Yesiree.
Especially from Beverly Pizza in Black Rock.
Is
it acceptable to open presents as they arrive or do you have to wait
for the actual birthday or holiday?
NEVER
OPEN EARLY!
Should
the dirty forks and knives go in the dishwasher with the handle
sticking out of the utensil tray or down in the utensil tray?
Handle
up, so you remove it hygienically.
Is
it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink to "soak"
overnight, or do they need to be cleaned before bed?
Soak.
Especially if postprandial canoodling is involved.
Toothpaste:
cap on or cap off?
On.
Again
on the toothpaste: roll it from the bottom or just squeeze really
hard?
Both.
First squeeze hard. Then roll up as it gets lower. This technique can
be used in many situations.
Are
towels a one-time use item or do you use the same towel until laundry
day?
I
air-dry towels properly so I can reuse.
How
about washcloths?
Simply
put: They shkeeve me. My sea sponge is my sole ablution implement.
Road
trip or flying?
Road
trip unless destination involves crossing water.
What's
the right thread count for sheets?
Flannel.
All cotton. I ain't counting.
What
brand of toilet paper?
Scott.
Mayo
or Miracle Whip?
MW
got its name because it is a miracle than anyone would eat that shit.
This would be a deal-breaker for me. Addendum: Duke's mayo, if you
can find it.
Pepsi
or Coke?
I
don't drink soda.
Can
you eat the holiday candy out in the display bowl or must it be left
there for display?
First
off, I don't say “holiday” instead of the day's/season's actual
name. I rarely eat candy and have never displayed it.
What
is YOUR definition of camping?
Very
simple. In no particular order:
- a secure, cozy cabin, fenced in to deter varmints
- no farther than five miles from shopping, excellent food and drink, and a decent liquor store
- excellent central heat and A/C
- a real fireplace, preferably with a plush rug nearby for secret moments
- a massive TV in great room with cable/sat, DVR and full collection of DVDs that aren't The Sound of Music
- smaller version of same in huge bedroom, which, by the way, has an outdoor porch with famously scenic views, perfect for breakfast
- a Brobdingnagian bed for separate, sound sleep OR spooning, with aforementioned flannel sheets and umpteen pillows for fort-making
- a bath and a half, the small one for me to get busy; the other has shower, Jacuzzi and shvitz with plenty of room for two
- a gourmet kitchen with an AGA stove, Viking appliances and a pantry stocked from Balducci's
- a wet bar, with Pilsner Urquell on tap, a nice selection of Pinots Noir, and a hogshead of Woodford Reserve bourbon
That's
all.
Turn
the thermostat down when you go out or leave it alone?
Down,
of course. Like I own an oil company?
At
what point is a garbage bag too full to stuff more trash in it?
Five
minutes before removal folk arrive.
How
many times is it acceptable to hit the snooze button?
I
don't own an alarm clock. So there.
Thrift
store shopping: great deals or gross?
Great
deals. Dollar and “junk” stores, too. I revel in them.
How
far in advance is it OK to plan a vacation?
One
hour.
Restaurant
reservations: necessary or too restrictive?
If
I'm going to get world-class food and service, I have no reservations
about making reservations.
Roller
coasters: love 'em or hate 'em?
They
nauseate me. I don't believe in paying money to get sick and
frightened. I don't actually HATE the devices, though. Honey, you can
ride the Kevorkian Loopdy Loop (made in Latvia) all you want. I'll be
in the beer garden.
More
chocolate chips, less cookie or more cookie, less chips?
Meh.
Okay, more cookie, fewer chips
How
much orange juice must be left in the container for it to be returned
to the fridge?
One
deciliter. And I don't drink directly from the box, thank you.
Chip
clips or just roll the bag up?
Call
the doctor or just take some medicine at home?
See
final camping note: Woodford Reserve is a world-class panacea.
Where
is the prime location for the TV remote to stay?
Under
my sofa blankie.
Is
it OK to have a TV in the bedroom?
OK?
It's mandatory. We can turn it off. But I might want to watch
Masterpiece
Theater
while you're immersed in Glee.
Should
folded clothes be put away, or is it OK to just pull as needed from
the basket of clean laundry?
I
prefer to stow clean clothes.
Do
you need to write a grocery list or just wait until you're walking
around the store to figure out what you need?
I
could live happily without any
sort of list.
Making
the bed: must-do or waste of time because you're just going to get
back in it?
Single:
permissable. Couple: wait and see. What if, say, after a terrific
breakfast and co-shower, we might want to revisit the sheets?
Is
it OK to shave/clip toenails in the living room?
Never.
I use the back porch for that. Finches love 'em.
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