Briefs and Shorts

If I had the chance to address graduates, I would tell them, "Learn when to quit."

The first time I slow-danced, I felt strange things.

Hemingway said that moving does not change what person you are. I disagree with him.

Aside from lounging and sleeping, I am most comfortable behind a drum kit. I feel as if I'm sitting with old friends.

I often look at women's shoes (on people, not in stores). I wonder, "What was she thinking when she bought those?"

Havarti cheese is the bomb.

I like it when I feel pressure from someone else. It makes me feel alive.

Contrary to zillions of memes and greeting cards, I believe it's better to become lovers with a woman first, then work on the friendship. Initial friendship too often closes the door to romance.

I see no reason for the existence of red-beet eggs. It's right up there with ketchup on hot dogs.

I wonder, and admire, how the Brits keep cranking out excellent television. Plus, their actors look like real people, not plastic mannequins.

If you look closely enough, you can see things differently. It takes your eyes time to appreciate much of our planet.

When FBers brag about the same topic again and again, they lose me.

One of the best rock bands I have ever seen was The Kinks.

I could write thousands of these statements about drumming. Worry not, not here.

I enjoy sports, on the field. I care not about players' cars, contracts, ink, drug use or whether they're happy on their teams.

Add looking: I enjoy an occasional Manhattan. This is a drink. I like to eyeball the cocktail for a few moments, in admiration for what I am about to consume.

Imagine if Wendy's put real ghost peppers on their fries. That would be cool. And hot. Fast-food slop is never as piquant as advertised.

The best women I have ever known are experts at passing little clues that they are interested in you. They never come out and say it. But somehow, they let you know. It makes the chase worth it.

I hate joining things. But Dollar Shave Club was a good idea.

I find that nowadays more people than ever approach something new with fear, rather than curiosity.

I have learned, at my ripe age, to celebrate small things. I bought new socks today. Hurrah!

I think it is okay to be a douchebag once in a while. This is better than acting like one.

If Adele sang better songs, I might like her. Every Bruno Mars song I have heard is ripped off from another artist.

People overthink kids' names. This is why babies are no longer dubbed Frank or Rosemary. I wish said parents would put as much thinking into their kids' diets, education and exercise.

A friend asked me the other day about my eldest. "What job is Grace going for after college?" I answered, "None that I know of," with pride.

If a "craft beer" came out with a reasonable price on it, hipsters wouldn't drink it.

Trust me folks, you can drink better wine than that peach-boysenberry "merlot" you get at Costco.

If I had listened to more sensible grownups when I was young, I wouldn't be going to play with some great musicians tonight.

I am suspicious of people who look the same in every picture I see of them.

A gray cubicle is no place for a fertile mind.

I will resume real writing tomorrow. Promise.