Thursday, May 5, 2016

Things To Remember

Disclaimer: Not all posts this month will be rife with hogsheads of snark, scads of bellylaughs and other such frivolity. Every Thursday, I will effort to post something of a serious (what?!) nature.

Remember teachers. I cannot think of another profession that is less praised and more underpaid. Most teachers I know are intelligent, caring people. On top of that, they help form our lives. Do yourself a favor and get in touch with one.

Which brings me to The Only One Theory. Via my buddy Buc. If you have been a teacher, mentor, coach, etc., if only one student/player/mentee gets back to you with thanks (or something similar), you have done your job well. So why not be the one who is The Only One? Get it? This isn't brain-rocket-crap.

You can change lovers and friends, but not family. Of course, remember them. And remember they are not right all the time. Even on Walton's mountain, families have fucked up. Remember this when your kin ignore your sig other. There is no colder freeze than the one you get from a partner's parents. And siblings. And bratty fucking nieces and nephews. Lord Kelvin was talking through his ass.

Remember your first slow dance with your partner. This may come in handy during spats, omissions and overall asshattedness. And you'd better have a recording of this.

Remember people who have dissed you. Invite them to your next party. This works wonders in eliminating bullshit from your life.

Remember to write down key phone numbers. And NOT on your phone. When you drop your IEar 7.0 attachment object into a public urinal in a pan-gender Target latrine, you will be pissed.

Remember not to buy cheap dishwashing liquid. The stuff at Aldi is great. And remember to shop at Aldi. You will have bucks left over for Cosmos and Jaeger bombs.

Remember to give feedback to artists. If they share their work with you, it is your job to reply. Or tell them from the get-go that you don't have time to explore or ingest. Remember to celebrate these folks in your life. Because creators add spice to your humdrum, gray-cubicle, Velveeta existence.

Men, remember that NOTHING makes your gal look fat. Her new hairdo is awe-inspiring. Her pot roast is elevating. And those shoes? Wonderful.

Remember to appreciate your partner. This goes deeper than fungible romantic statements, flowers or tickets to Springsteen.

Remember your keys.

Remember Mom on Sunday.

And remember to stop back here every day in May, knuckleheads.


  1. I'm glad that I remember my friend Timmy. Great advice.

  2. I'm glad that I remember my friend Timmy. Great advice.