The Hotel Conundrum
Many chase scenes begin in hotels (or nightclubs). Often the Bad Guy overtakes private security in an elevator.
- Unidentified Good-Guy security people are always foiled pre-chase and usually experience physical harm.
- The scene must go through the kitchen.
- The kitchen help are always Hispanic or Asian. They get really upset about said scene, with much shouting in many languages. None of them sustains serious injury.
- No member of the kitchen staff does anything to thwart the Bad Guy.
- Both Good Guys and Bad Guys must knock over a rack of plates or cause somesuch other damage.
- No chase scene ever ends in a kitchen.
Obtaining a Vehicle
- In miraculous fashion, Bad Guys end up at the front of the hotel, even though they left through the kitchen.
- There is always a hot car or massive SUV waiting.
- Bad Guys commandeer these vehicles from civilians and valets with little or no resistance. Perhaps some fist-shaking ensues. We never learn if these poor folks get compensated for their loss.
- Good Guys must wave impatiently to their drivers to pull around and pick them up. This gives Bad Guys the proverbial Head Start.
|Face it, McQueen wrote the book.|
- Overriding Rule: Both Good and Bad Guys in cars never hit anything important with gunfire in a car chase.
- If the group gets to a highway/freeway, the Good Guy always catches up to the Bad Guy. They drive abreast.
- The cars begin to bash each other, side to side. Although it looks as if major damage is being done, all cars are still driveable.
- If the chase is in Europe, Bad Guys feel free to cross the median. Oncoming traffic avoids collisions, as if by magic.
- If the Bad Guys have a MiniCooper, they will eventually jump onto the sidewalk. They will annoy pedestrians, often causing groceries to fly all over the joint.
- At some point, a bevy of local cops will join the fray. They are useless and simply crash into one another.
- If the chase occurs anywhere in the Middle East, it must continue down a narrow alley ringed with merchants. One fruit stand will be mushed to smithereens, with melons and other comestibles airborne, followed by keffiyeh-clad, cursing locals.
- If any movie is shot in San Francisco, there will be a car chase. And every car is shown lifting off at intersections. This is ironclad. There are no flat streets in this town.
- Sometimes a bus or other jitney is involved. The drivers of these vehicles must be portly, balding, African-American gents. Such scenes are inserted to slow down the Good Guys. The public vehicle will incur some damage while the drivers stare bug-eyed and let out with a "Whoa!" or "Omigod!" But no one is hurt.
- Bad Guys run faster and know shortcuts. Good Guys have no idea about a route because they are itinerant agents who don't know the lay of the land.
- All Guys must brusquely manhandle civilians out of the way, rather than avoid contact.
- An escalator will be involved, with multiple Guys going down the wrong way.
- The woman, pram and infant will go unharmed.
- Once again, if in the Middle East, see the above point re: fruit and alleys.
- No civilians intervene, e. g., tripping bad guys, etc.
- There will be an unmarked door. Bad Guys instinctively know this is a way to evade pursuers. They duck into it, and Good Guys pass the door, then realized they are lost and go back and use the door.
- Every street crossed has plenty of traffic. All Guys must slide across a hood at some point. SFX: horns beeping and indecipherable epithets.
- Bad Guys can easily scale any fence built by humans. Good Guys, not so hot.
- If Bad Guy plunges from a bridge into a river, the Good Guys do not follow suit. Instead, they look rueful and throw their hands into the air. And ... cut.
- Everyone involved is an expert driver, highly skilled in life-threatening evasive maneuvers.
- If a Guy commandeers a motorcycle, it is a dirt bike originally driven by a wimp. These bikes can amazingly navigate steep stairs and other impediments, no prob.
- The only hope for Good Guys is when the Bad Guys crash their cars and lose consciousness. Otherwise, Bad Guys get away.
You're welcome gang.